Now introducing: Things I’ve Said This Week, a series in which I write down anything I have said or posted online that I find amusing regarding my life as a mom. I wish I would have thought to start this sooner but it’s okay because this seems to be the age when things start to get really good.

I wanted to write these down because it’s a humorous version of a “baby book.” Later on I’ll be writing down all the funny things SHE says, but for now I just have to chuckle at all the things I’ve been saying that I never thought would come out of my mouth. It will be fun to read this later on, I’m sure.

They aren’t totally verbatim but I’ve been jotting notes with reminders and you can be for certain that I really do say these things.

All that to say, here’s this week’s lineup:

Actual phrases said out loud

  • “Eww! You have so many boogers on your face!” {followed immediately by} “Here, let me get the boogers out, you booger baby”
  • “Don’t play on the toilet! It’s yucky. Here, let me cover it with my towel.” – promptly putting my towel in the hamper afterward
  • “What is on my pants?”
  • “Don’t squish your peaches, you EAT the peaches. Put them in your mouth.”
  • “Get your hand out of the soup”
  • “You have sweet potatoes all over your hair!” {shortly thereafter} “Ryan, come downstairs and look at this messy baby. Also, bring the camera.”
  • “Uh oh! Don’t play in the garbage can. Gross” {15 minutes later} “Sonora…no, no. Garbage cans are not for babies! Here, play with your kitchen.”
  • “Well, I was planning to drink that but not anymore” – after she stuck her hand in my cold cup of coffee
  • “Are you pooping?”
  • “What did you just find on the floor that’s in your mouth?”
  • “Take three more bites of your oatmeal and then you can have your toothbrush”
  • “Is that an outlet cover in your mouth?”
  • “Come out of the closet” – funny for two reasons
  • “Well that’s what happens when you climb in the laundry basket” – said after I discovered her, stuck and whining to get out
  • {to the dog} “Sadie, stop licking the inside of her mouth!”

Tweets

  • After how many laps around the house following a baby walking behind a push toy is an acceptable amount to quit? We are pushing 25. I am dizzy.
  • {Regarding advice on changing a potential poopy diaper while sleeping} Went back in. No more stinks. Must have just been stinky baby farts. Woo hoo! *phew* thank you for your counsel. #closeone

I’m sure there are more I forgot to jot down. And this list is not including all the songs I sing to her while I change her diaper or all the hooting and hollering I do when I change her poopy diapers. I’m not above shrieking about them. I don’t care who I am…they are SO STINKY. Moms don’t have to think everything is precious…although I am usually quite prideful in the amount she produces and the various colors and consistencies. Every diaper is a new surprise just waiting to be revealed.

And that’s my week in verbal review.

Love,
Laura