Sometimes when Ryan or I ask the other what we’re thinking about, our response is, “some stuff and some things,” because there’s just a lot of stuff rolling around in there.

Well I’ve got that now.

Lately I’ve been thinking about our upcoming situation and just need to let some things out. I haven’t written about this on here before because Ryan didn’t think it should be public knowledge but I’d like some support from the Internets.

So the big news is that Ryan is going to school to get his Masters in Special Education to change careers from graphic design to teaching. Yeah, risky move, right? But he feels very sure about this and is excited for this new endeavor. Even more news is that come January, he will be working as a freelance designer rather than a salaried employee while he is in these two years of school/student teaching. This is scary and exciting at the same time. We both have mixed emotions about this but we are trusting in God and that He is working for our good. Because quite frankly, having two un-salaried parents with a new baby and a new house is a little daunting. But as I start to worry about this and realize that we need to start being even more money-conscious than ever before because we may not have very much income for a while (which hasn’t hit me yet), I remember the sermon about worry.

The main point was that if I start to worry then I am not living GRATEFULLY PRESENT. And that’s a problem because I have so very much to be thankful for, including this great opportunity – as nerve-racking as it is – for Ryan. And if I worry, not only am I being ungrateful but it’s also keeping me from trusting God completely. I know His hand is always on us, and he is always fighting on our behalf. But it’s so hard not to get caught up in the “what ifs.” What if we don’t have enough money? What if Ryan can’t find a job in two years? What if we lose the house? What if, what if, what if.

It can drive a girl mad.

And I know the answer to those questions…God will provide. But it’s so hard to let go. It seems we need control on every part of our lives – from work to family to future plans – so to give up those rights and open our hands to receive rather than hold onto? It’s tough, man.

The good thing is that Ryan is not a freak like me never worries about anything. So while he is curious to see how this all pans out, it’s not getting to him at all. His classic “Ryan” phrase that he repeats so often, especially to me, is this: “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but doesn’t get you anywhere.”

Bless his little heart.

So anyway, I just ask that you please pray for us. Pray that in these next two months we (or maybe just me) can find peace and comfort rather than worry and doubt. Or if you’re not the praying type, please send positive thoughts our way. This may be the best thing or this may be the worst thing or this may not even be a big deal at all. But right now we’re taking a leap and with anything unknown, it’s a little heart-pounding.

I really appreciate it.