Now introducing: Things I’ve Said This Week, a series in which I write down anything I have said or posted online that I find amusing regarding my life as a mom. I wish I would have thought to start this sooner but it’s okay because this seems to be the age when things start to get really good.

I wanted to write these down because it’s a hilarious version of a “baby book.” Later on I’ll be writing down all the funny things SHE says, but for now I just have to laugh at all the things I’ve been saying that I never thought would come out of my mouth. I can only imagine how hilarious this will be to me – and maybe to Sonora, too – later on.

They aren’t totally verbatim but I’ve been jotting notes with reminders and you can be for certain that I really do say these things.

All that to say, here’s this week’s lineup:

Actual phrases said out loud

  • “Eww! You have so many boogers on your face!” {followed immediately by} “Here, let me get the boogers out, you booger baby”
  • “Don’t play on the toilet! It’s yucky. Here, let me cover it with my towel.” – promptly putting my towel in the hamper afterward
  • “What is on my pants?”
  • “Don’t squish your peaches, you EAT the peaches. Put them in your mouth.”
  • “Get your hand out of the soup”
  • “You have sweet potatoes all over your hair!” {shortly thereafter} “Ryan, come downstairs and look at this messy baby. Also, bring the camera.”
  • “Uh oh! Don’t play in the garbage can. Gross” {15 minutes later} “Sonora…no, no. Garbage cans are not for babies! Here, play with your kitchen.”
  • “Well, I was planning to drink that but not anymore” – after she stuck her hand in my cold cup of coffee
  • “Are you pooping?”
  • “What did you just find on the floor that’s in your mouth?”
  • “Take three more bites of your oatmeal and then you can have your toothbrush”
  • “Is that an outlet cover in your mouth?”
  • “Come out of the closet” – funny for two reasons
  • “Well that’s what happens when you climb in the laundry basket” – said after I discovered her, stuck and whining to get out
  • {to the dog} “Sadie, stop licking the inside of her mouth!”

Tweets

  • After how many laps around the house following a baby walking behind a push toy is an acceptable amount to quit? We are pushing 25. I am dizzy.
  • {Regarding advice on changing a potential poopy diaper while sleeping} Went back in. No more stinks. Must have just been stinky baby farts. Woo hoo! *phew* thank you for your counsel. #closeone

I’m sure there are more I forgot to jot down. And this list is not including all the songs I sing to her while I change her diaper or all the hooting and hollering I do when I change her poopy diapers. I’m not above shrieking about them. I don’t care who I am…they are SO STINKY. Moms don’t have to think everything is precious…although I am usually quite prideful in the amount she produces and the various colors and consistencies. Every diaper is a new surprise just waiting to be revealed.

And that’s my week in verbal review.

Love,
Laura